The Mental Clutter of Defeatist Language

I have written recently a couple of posts on mental clutter-- "The Poisonous Mental Clutter of Worry" and "Ease Your Mind Using the Bookmark Principle." Continuing on that theme, today I want to discourage you from thinking discouraging thoughts and speaking defeatist language about yourself and to yourself.

I have often heard clients and our members say things like these:

"I am not a very organized person."
"I will never get this mess cleaned up."
"I'll never get the hang of this."

Even if you think you're just kidding or exaggerating for effect, please STOP cluttering your mind with these negative and unempowering messages. Ask yourself, "Would I say those same things to my best friend or my child?" If not, then why would you say them to yourself?

Take care that you're not using permanent language for a temporary problem. If you say, "I'm not very organized," you have assigned a permanent, unchangeable characteristic to yourself. Catch yourself and replace negative and permanent words with language that shows hope and belief in your abilities.

Instead of: Never
Positively phrase it this way instead: Sometimes, Rarely, Seldom, Barely, Hardly

Instead of: "I'm not a very organized person."
Positively phrase it this way instead: "I am working on improving my organizing skills."

Instead of: "I'm such an idiot."
Positively phrase it this way instead: "I made a mistake. What did I learn from it?"

Instead of: "I'll never get the hang of this."
Positively phrase it this way instead: "I'm frustrated! How can I get some help?"

Instead of: "This is just how I am."
Positively phrase it this way instead: "I tend to approach things this way. How can I improve that?"

I truly believe that our words define us. Words start as thoughts, and whether we say them aloud or just say them to ourselves, they begin to form our destiny! Be careful and be kind.

This post is an edited excerpt from my book, The Clutter Diet: The Skinny on Organizing Your Home and Taking Control of Your Life, available on our site and at all major bookstores. Click here to read a sample chapter!

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Comments

[Deb Lee]

I read somewhere once that your brain focuses on the last word of each statement you make (includes self-talk). So, if you say, "I'm not hungry," your brain hears "hungry" and you start feeling hungry. Conversely, if you say, "I'm full" or "I'm satisfied," your desire to eat is diminished over a longer period of time. I'm not sure if this is really the case, however, I do agree that positive statements propel you toward success. Back in my former life as a teacher, I found that I got better - and consistent - results when I said to the kids, "Please walk" instead of "Don't run." Behavioral change does require a good dose of positive reinforcement, both external and internal. Thanks for a great post, Lorie.

[renee trudeau]

Hi Lori-great reminder! As I head into our "fullest" time of year (7 events in 60 days), my new mantra is our "funnest" time of year :). Language is really powerful stuff. Thanks for all you to do to support all of us. Big hug--Renee

[Online Doctor Consultation]

"I am working on improving my organizing skills." "I made a mistake. What did I learn from it?" - Now I learned something new and something unique. What a nice way to start my day.

[christine cox]

Go Lorre! Right on - we need to be reminded of this more often.

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I truly believe that our words define us. Words start as thoughts, and whether we say them aloud or just say them to ourselves, they begin to form our destiny!

[DebraC]

So true that our words define us. But without a moment's thought we can inflict pain or stress on others through our chosen words. Being positive both with our attitude and choice of words will go a long way towards getting our lives in order and getting rid of clutter.

[Carole]

I had an episode this week where I started the tailspin - Oh sure, I did it again, I'm so stupid... But of course, that's not going to help solve the problem. So the first thought that came to mind as I tried to get a grip was focus on the solution, not the problem. "What is the solution? Heck I don't know..." But at least that shift had me moving in the right direction.

I remember somewhere reading that you have to ask the right question. Your advice to ask 'how can I' is rigbt on the money.

[Lisa C.]

I get out of the trap of "beating myself up mentally" by doing two things. Firstly, I usually have a list of what I need to do today and I cross off items as they get done. Even if the whole list isn't completed, the crossed off items help me to see that I did achieve something. Secondly, I write stuff down so that I don't get confused and I can prioritise properly. This helps me to pay attention to what's most important and also to set and actually meet deadlines.

[Alleta]

Excellent post!!: The Bible actually speaks about this: Proverbs 18: 21 (The Message) "Words kill, words give life;they're either poison or fruit—you choose." I guess the words we speak can kill our confidence or give a fruitful life AND, we can choose. Tx Lori

[All Women Stalker]

Ahhh.. I agree with you... all of us should be channeling the "secret" ....even about clutter stuff

[Henry in Edmonton, AB, Canada]

I recently began calling myself a "Bit of a Hoarder" which is a bit of an understatement actually, but still quite negative.
Just recently I have started calling myself a "Fat Slob" - again, not much of an exaggeration, but certainly a bit hard on my self esteem!
I prefer to consider myself as a "collector" who has trouble getting rid of things. I was once very organized and much more tidy, but since my divorce, and a more recent breakup, I no longer have the inclination / motivation to clean up my apartment. Now it is embarrassingly out of control and very overwhelming!
I am seeking some professional help, but it is very tough on such a limited budget, since I am on disability benefits (Bipolar Disorder).
I too have noticed that I used to have more accountability to do things, and know that is important, but I used to pride myself on being independent and self motivated.
My illness has taken away a lot of my energy and motivation, but I still have some organizational skills and ideas, I just have trouble implementing them!
Thanks for the great articles and encouragement! ;-)

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As every has only heard about outer clutter like ads clutters, shoes clutter and many other things. But it is true that inner clutter also happens and that is mind clutters like number of things going in our mind and this blog gives clear information that hoe to cope with the mind clutter. Interesting article.