FEAR is Not The Boss of Me!

A couple of weeks ago I went to New York, and I was fortunate to catch a StorySLAM event put on by TheMoth.org. I was so excited--I have always wanted to go! The Moth is a nonprofit organization dedicated to the art of live storytelling. I am a fan of This American Life on NPR, also all about storytelling, and they frequently feature stories from The Moth. (A point of clarification-- I used to think The Moth was a place, and it's not. It's the organization who puts on the events in various locations in several cities.)

The StorySLAM events have a theme, and the evening I went, the theme was FEAR. I loved that! I think about and talk about fear all the time, just as a human being, and as an entrepreneur and as an advisor to our Clutter Diet® members and my clients. All evening we heard stories from the brave competitors who got on stage and told us about their experiences with fear. One guy used to live in the basement of Edgar Allen Poe's house, and he earned his keep by giving tours of the home. The winner that evening told a story of how afraid he was when his girlfriend miscarried their child. Fear is serious business.

Fear is also a major recurring theme in getting organized. Here are several ways we see fear manifest itself in the process:

• People are afraid to get started because they have had many failed organizing attempts in the past.
• People are afraid to let go of objects and papers because of the fear that they might need them someday.
• On a more unconscious level, people are afraid of succeeding with their organizing projects, because they would have no excuse for anything anymore. They'd be forced to move forward in life, and maybe they don't want to do that yet. Living in the past might be more comfortable and familiar.
• People are afraid to be vulnerable to others when they ask for help.

I made a decision years ago to stop letting fear hold me back in life. I even went skydiving to kick off the theme of my year in 2008 of "Conquering Fear." I truly believe if you are not doing something that scares you lately, you are not growing and learning. When I catch myself being afraid of something, now it just makes me mad-- mad at fear. It is NOT the boss of me!

So as you are forging ahead with your organizing projects and goals, when you notice that fear has its grip on you, get MAD and get moving! I think taking risks and pushing through fear is the key to happiness. What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments!

Oh, and I chose this photo for my post because the boy in the picture reminds me of my brother when he was that age. My brother just got home from Iraq last weekend. I am so proud of how he's conquered fear in his life and taken the risks to do what he truly wants to do. (I love you, Steve!)

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Comments

[Henry in Edmonton, AB, Canada]

I don't think fear of moving forward and fear of success should be lumped together so casually.
Fear of the Overwhelming Anxiety associated with tackling a big project like overcoming hoarding is not the same as fear of success.
I don't think anyone is really afraid of success per say, but rather the steps and decisions it takes to become successful. This seems to hold true of dieting and getting rid of clutter - at least from my perspective!?! ;-)

[Debbie]

Much gratitude to your brother for his service. That kind of bravery puts our everyday fears into a whole different perspective. Most of us are not risking our lives, just our egos. And usually the worst case scenario never happens.

[cathy]

So happy your brother is home safely! Thanks you to him!

Fear is fear, regardless of the form it takes, if you don't push through it you can't be all that you can be. Sometimes the push is tiny, it is allowing yourself to hear or see something you ignored in the past. Other times it's huge and physical like a shove out of the airplane door. Kudos to you! Not on my bucket list.:)

[Chris]

I think some people do fear success. Someone may fear if she organizes her entire house, it might still not be "perfect."

I have often heard of people being afraid to be successful at dieting for various reasons. For example, a victim of sexual assault might subconsciously believe the excess weight keeps her unattractive and less likely to be a victim again.

[Katrina]

Thanks for this article!

I think there are fears of success AND failure. I know for me the fear of a successfully clean & organized house lead to my "what's next", which are things I TRULY want to do in life. These are bigger, better, bodacious goals that to me are HUGE, not forgetting to mention they are more uncomfortable then staying in my own self-created rut. There is also the fear of sticking out and being different as a success... I know that sometimes "keeping up with the Jones's" means lying low.. so yep.. there is definitely a fear there!

Thanks to your brother for moving through his fear to do something extraordinary!!

[April]

That is very precious dedication, it made me tearful. I have ADD so organizing has always been difficult for me, BUT I have been dealing with my anxiety lately and I found that two other things are playing into my disorganization besides the organizing deficit... 1) There is an uneasiness that I have at the total organized room. I don't really understand this yet, I think I worry that it is fake and not lived in, or afraid that it will get messy again. 2) What would I do with all that spare time that I wouldn't have to say I'll be busy cleaning since it is a legitamate thing to do but doesn't give you the opportunity to socialize during what could be free time, or (gasp) even have people over!!! Now, if I could have the time, motivation, and energy all the same time my house would look perfectly lived in.