Sorry, That's Just My Policy

I'm sure you've been frustrated before by some store clerk who stood behind a "policy," not giving you what you wanted... something like a 14-day return policy or a receipt-required policy. Your teachers in school probably had a policy for make-up work when you missed class, and your employer has lots of policies about vacation time and other circumstances.

Policies are simply decisions declared in advance to cover situations that arise later. Companies, schools, and government agencies are not the only ones who can have policies... what if you had some policies of your own? You can!

Dana, the winner of our Good Housekeeping clutter makeover contest (see Dana's amazing before & after photos here), told me when we were working together that she has a policy between her friends and family about cellular phone calls. If a call gets dropped (which happens all too often, as we know), they have established that the one who originally placed the call is the one who calls the other person back. I think this policy is brilliant! How many times have you and your friends crossed over each other trying to call back and getting each other's voice mail?

That "original caller" phone policy is an example of a generally useful policy that helps everyone involved, but personal policies can also be used to protect you and help you say no. When you're frustrated with the store clerk for not accepting your merchandise return, the clerk has a much easier time saying no because it's the policy's fault, not his own. Why not have your own policies to hide behind? Here are some ideas:

• Have a policy that you simply do not buy from, accept, or donate to anything offered or requested in a phone solicitation. Now you've already decided to say no when any telemarketer calls. Also make it a point to ask them to remove you from their lists.
• Have policies with your kids about various contentious issues that keep coming up. If your parenting style permits, you can work on the policy together to come up with appropriate consequences that everyone agrees upon. You can have policies on things like homework time, TV/video game/computer time ("screen time"), snacks, driving, or dating. If you've made the decisions in advance, nobody can argue with the consequences that will result.
• Roommates can have policies about borrowing clothes, having guests, or sharing food.
• Spouses can have policies about spending, such as not spending over a certain dollar amount without asking the other spouse. This policy can help you when a pushy salesperson is trying to get a decision from you (whether you're male or female)!
• Have policies in your house about removing shoes at the door or not eating outside of the dining areas. Some people I know only permit eating elsewhere in the house if a tray is used for the dishes and food.
• Have policies about school fundraisers for what you'll do, how much time you'll spend, and what you'll buy. (See my previous post about school fundraisers and the value of your time here)

In my book we talk about "Allowed" Clutter-- the mental, communication, and time clutter that results from not being able to say no to interruptions and requests and the like. Call them policies, call them "house rules," but definitely call upon them to help you in sticky situations! What decisions could you make ahead of time to help you get through something awkward or difficult? Share in the comments!

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Comments

[Michelle]

With older kids (mine are too young for it), but I have friends who type up the rules/policies, print it out, and post it on the wall somewhere in the house. The kids probably read that policy on chores, homework, and video games at least 3 times a day, and there's no more conflict over what the mom said last week on the subject because what's in writing is what it is.

[Sharmaine Hobbs]

I love this idea for so many reasons! I can see so many benefits from creating my own personal "policy book". I loved Michelle's idea of actually having things written out and even posted. I don't have kids at home, but I can see where having one in writing helps one to be more resolute on what we've already decided. Thanks for this tip!

[Joanna]

We definitely have this policy about donating to telemarketing charities. We are on the do-not-call list because these communications are intrusive to our family life. That goes for charities, too -- I would much rather make donations to charities that I seek out. And I have told callers that it is our family policy not to donate to telephone solicitations.

[Alison Golden]

My kids have just gone to middle school and with the increase in homework and extra-curriculars, I have implemented a preplanned playdate only policy for weekdays, avoiding those situations where where the kids come out of class and immediately ask if they can have a playdate with x and you find yourself either saying no or upsetting the plans/routines of the household.

The kids are fine, but a couple of the moms have had a really hard time with it and have pushed back on me. It's been necessary to hold really firm, even pull back from those relationships until they can see I'm serious.

[Kay Day]

The few times charities call (they're exempt from the do-not-call list) or I'm approached by a friend to support a charity, I tell them, "I appreciate that your charity needs money to accomplish its goals. However, my children have a very rare medical condition called primary ciliary dyskinesia (PCD). Fewer than 1,000 people in the United States have been diagnosed with this condition. All our charity dollars go to the PCD Foundation to promote awareness and to fund research for better treatment of the condition. If you're interested, I'll explain the details of PCD to you." Only twice has the caller asked for further information; the rest hang up immediately. Several friends have asked for further information and have donated money to the PCD Foundation! So pick your charity and feel free to use my spiel - you may be receiving a donation for your charity.

[Lorie Marrero]

@Kay Day-- that is brilliant! Turn the tables on them! :)

- Lorie